Hard to swallow.....
Picture the scene: you wake up, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the garden beckons - but it is time to go to work. So do you go, or do you phone in sick? If you succumb to temptation, you won't be alone. Recent surveys in the UK estimated that between two and three out of every 10 sick days are not the result of genuine illness. And for every degree rise in temperature - the weather, that is, not the patient - at least another 2,000 people decided they'd rather do something other than spend the day in the office.
Most of those feigning sickness choose a complaint with no visible symptoms, such as migraine or backache, or assume a husky voice or fake cough when phoning the boss. But now teams of nurses will quiz those phoning in to assess just how ill they really are. Provided by a company called Active Health Partners, the nurses do more than just expose those taking a sly day off. They may offer advice to speed recovery or highlight work-related problems. The company says similar services in the US have reduced absenteeism from an average 12 days per claim to six.
Some businesses have taken the step of employing a private GP and physiotherapist for staff, as well as free health tests and counselling. Others have taken a finanical stance, either by offering a £100 bonus for a clean attendance record or penalising those whose absence is not caused by genuine health reasons.
Absenteeism is still an area to exercise the imagination, however. The Washington Post held a competition asking readers to come up with novel excuses for missing a day of work. Among the winners were: 'My stigmata's acting up'; 'I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy'; 'Constipation has made me a walking time bomb'; 'I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates'; and 'When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the toilet, but I feel good about it'.
If you don't think any of those will pass muster, you could always try: 'I've used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead'.